My favorite deputy here in California, Jess, was the first to tell me, "You are all about the shock value!" This was after I informed her and a couple of our newer friends that the rosemary shortbread she had baked "made my crotch hot." I do love throwing people for a loop, but even more I like having a language that's not quite secret, yet a bit special and in my opinion, hilarious.
I am all about hot crotches, pointing out when anything makes my crotch hot, and inquiring whether your crotch is hot, too. My favorite answering machine message of all time, long lost now, is my best friend singing (whispering) "the crotch is hot, the crotch is hot, heh, heh," a la old school Lil' Wayne. Seven years later and I still sing it somewhat regularly. Of course I follow it up with "baby my crotch hot, baby my crotch burn."
I say hot crotch and other similar (although admittedly less catchy) things multiple times during the course of most days. Recently I got it in my mind that douche bag is really not insult worthy. It makes me mad that hot crotch hasn't taken generations x-y by storm, yet I used one of those clicky counters for a week and I heard or read the phrase douche bag a total of 97 times. Come on folks, where's your creativity?!
What is so bad about a douche bag? It's just a plastic bag filled with vinegar and water. If I detest someone, calling him a douche bag doesn't pack enough of a punch. I shared my discontent with one of my more crass friends, and his suggestion was to replace douche bag with the far more vivid "yeast infection discharge". The twinge of an itch was instantly felt in my beloved crotch. I was repulsed, which is what I was going for. But it seemed over the top...even for me.
